Protect your savings from global looting - read this

If you haven't already read John Ward at The Slog's blog post on global looting by banks, I suggest you do so because you could well be seriously affected by the new law on European banking that was passed while everyone was around the pool on Aug 1.

Basically it states that bank customers are no longer customers but creditors. This means that your money is not your money, it belongs to the bank and you are allowed some of it to live on. In the event of a bank collapse, you will be allowed to withdraw only a small amount.

If a global banking collapse is generated (wilfully?), banks could then issue a highly devalued currency and tax all cash payments. Getting your money out of the bank in this case would be pointless because it would be worthless. What everyone should be worrying about now is what to do with their savings, and if you thought you wouldn't be affected because you have less than €100,000, think again, because you'll have to pay a penalty tax.

There should have been uproar at this scandal, but it was passed in quasi-silence by the media. Our politicians are merely puppets of the EU and can do nothing without being on the sharp end of a tug on the short and curlies.

I don't know where you can put your money. I have no idea what to do with my meagre savings which I thought were safely tucked away in assurance-vie and some other scheme. The only thing that comes to mind is to spend the lot and be damned. Spend it while you can, while it's still worth something.

AND FRENCH

Can we start up a movement of uproar and action? We should be taking to the streets with placards, saucepans and effigies of bankers. At the least, write to your MP, and get voodoo dolls of Barroso, van Rompuy and Dalia Grybauskaite to stick pins in.

Follow-up here: Imminent bank collapse

In short, thinking that the bailin template is a hastily flung together and somewhat academic exercise is fine if you want to lose the shirt off your back. Otherwise, withdraw such money as you can, and buy any asset that you can. It doesn’t matter if its canned food, gold or a motor bike: just do it – and get a move on.

More follow-up here: Regulations can become law without MEP involvement 

A Cunning Plan

I absolutely loathe the four months leading up to the end of the year. Not because I don't like Autumn, the cooling of the days (normally, when you don't have an incineratingly hot Indian Summer), the change of vegetables, different clothes, or the transition from a refreshing rosé to hearty red. No, it's because it costs an absolute friggin' fortune and is one long struggle from beginning to end.

First, one is recovering from being on holiday, then comes La Rentrée, with clothes, shoes, school materials, out-of-school activities, equipment for said activities and an increase in the rent. Happy September! Added to the fun is my eldest son's birthday (and mine...). Then comes October with yet more clothes and shoes seeing as my youngest gets through his at roughly a pair per month, surprise bills, visit from Pierrette, and buying train tickets to go back to the UK at Christmas. Ouch!

November arrives with the bill for the school canteen and another bill for the rubbish disposal tax that we renters have to pay off the owner's taxe Foncière. Plus coats. One can no longer put off buying winter coats for the boys (and more shoes) especially as we had torrential rain yesterday and 4°C morning temperatures a few days ago.

And then it's effing Christmas! WAAAAAH! By which time I'm on my financial knees and picking the scabby bits off by way of evening entertainment. It's not like I don't have a decent job, either, or a modest but reasonable income, but there's too much all at once and it's just a nightmare trying to keep one's nose above the financial Plimsoll line.

But, I hear you cry, what about your writing?! Indeed, good question. My writing is on-going and should, one day, result in something coming in, but when... In other words, I'm doing my best, we are all doing our best, and will be rewarded sometime, hopefully before we get to heaven.

So that's two baskets into which I put my income eggs, but one can never have too many baskets (at my level, anyway...) so I was delighted to learn about a new project that's going to be launched soon. A friend contacted me about it a few weeks ago, and I decided it would be a cunning plan to diversify my eggs a wee bit more. While I hummed and haaahed, I investigated the info that she sent me and finally took the plunge yesterday.

It's all based on an internet home page that pays you, and anyone you send it to, and anyone they send it to, and anyone they send it to, and so on. Resulting in a delightful cascade of tinkling cash that works its way back to you from everyone in your network who uses chooses to change their home page from Google, for example, which pays you nothing, to this new one, which pays you something. What's not to like?

All you do is surf, study, research, muck about as usual, and the revenue from a little advertising box in the bottom right hand corner is rotating away discreetly but continually. It's like a choice between going to the library and borrowing a book for nothing, and going to the library, borrowing a book and getting paid a little bit at the same time. Count me in, my dodgy-looking bank account needs all the friggin help it can get!

There are millions upon millions of people using the internet every day, and they can all tap into this nifty new home page, resulting in millions of dosh. The dosh is in dollars too, which, at this scary moment in the Euro's history, makes it even more attractive.

Zuckerberg rakes in the millions of advertising revenue he gets every day, and shares it with no one (the selfish bugger!). This new home page rakes in all the advertising revenue too, and then shares the joy with everyone who uses the magic home page. If you'd like to join our happy band, you don't have to sing a song, sign a contract or even take your clothes off. You just contact me and I'll send you more info by email.

It's FREE, guys, FREE, and there's no catch! Believe me, if there was, you wouldn't see me for dust. Just let me know if you'd like to know more in the comments below or email me directly to dslfr at hotmail dot com.

Who's on for some cashback?

This is a heads up for those of you in France who do a lot of shopping on the internet. Having something of an aversion to physical shopping because:
a) I can't be fagged to go into town
b) I don't like pushy salestaff
c) I don't like apathetic salestaff
d) I don't like salestaff who don't know their job
e) I don't like crowds
f) it takes so much time
g) is reserved for when I have visitors who want to shop (few and far between, like my visitors)
h) it means having to either take the tram or sit in traffic and pay a bomb for parking
g) it's expensive
I do most of my shopping on the internet. The only time I voluntarily stroll around town is at Christmas when it looks pretty and everyone is unusually jovial. The other time is when my eldest declares he needs new clothes and the only place he wants to get them from is BizzBee, or I take my youngest to C&A because he too now pooh poohs the idea of going to the more convenient Kiabi or Halle aux Vetements. Not that I blame him, the clothes in these places are pretty dire - cheap(ish) and nasty.

So, I frequent on the internet such places as Brandalley.com for Diesel jeans for my eldest at 70% off, Allopneu.com for cut-price tyres, CDiscount for music, and so on. Imagine then, my delight when into my spam box fell a link to Cashstore.fr which offers cash back for doing your normal shopping in all your favourite shops.

It works like this: you open an account. You choose a login name and that becomes your id which is attached to a @cashstore.fr email address. When you want to do some shopping, you go onto cashstore.fr and find the vendor. They might even be offering an extra discount. You click on the link that takes you to the website, do your shopping and use yourname@cashstore.fr email to make the purchase. This links back to cashstore.fr and they then credit your account with a certain amount (from 1.5% to 5% usually) of the before tax (HT) amount. When you reach €15 you can have it transferred onto a Paypal or Priceminister account, and when you reach €30 you can have it credited to your bank account or ask for a cheque.

Isn't that cool? You can find all sorts of companies such as SNCF, Eurostar, Ebay, Disneyland, Zalando, la Redoute, Aubert, CDiscount - nearly 1200 vendors. Two which don't feature however, are Amazon.fr and Air France. Shame...

I have sent a number of my buddies parrainage requests so if you get an email from Cashstore with my name on and you want to join, do it that way because then I'll get €3, and you can spread the word by parraining all your buddies (and get €3 for each one who joins).

We're not talking big money here (unless you do a TON of shopping), but as Tescos says, 'Every little helps' and it is my pleasure to spread the joy.

Diamond des Rois

It's a new year and in France, that means it's galette des rois time. Well, actually, they've been on sale in many boulangeries and supermarkets since Toussaint, but traditionally, they should only be sold as of the New Year. 

There's only one boulanger in Angoulême who follows tradition to the letter, and that's Yves Chomard. He believes that "Pas besoin de faire des bouffonneries pour bien vendre ses galettes, quand elles sont bonnes, il n'y a rien de mieux que le bouche à oreille pour faire venir le client." When a galette is good, you don't need any other trick to bring in the customers other than by word of mouth. Fair enough.

Elsewhere, however, competition is fierce, and other boulangers have been driven to maximise their sales with some turbo-charged PR. Last year, Stéphane Vergnaud in Saint-Cybard stuffed 3 galettes with a mini gold lingot worth 200€. He sold twice as many galettes as usual. He's giving his imagination a break this year so he can prepare an even better idea for next year.

Charente is definitely the place to be for desperate galette sales. Another boulanger, Frédéric Bauchaud at Soyaux has offered a second-hand Twingo in partnership with a used car garage for the purchase of a galette this year. The car will not be stuffed bit by bit into the frangipane, but I suppose will be identified through a lottery ticket, or maybe a mini porcelain Twingo?

We don't get anything so exotic down here in the south. Elsewhere, in Neubourg, near Evreux, a boulanger has stuffed little boxes into 4 galettes with the promise of a diamond to be handed over in February for each of the lucky 'rois'.

One wonders if the traditional harmless 'fight' over the normally worthless fève will become a full-blown punch up with battle stations drawn for the valuable prize. It's usually more of a kid thing, with adults letting the children 'win' the fève, put on the crown, and choose a queen or king. Bringing actual money into it spoils the innocent fun part of the tradition in my opinion. I can imagine friends falling out over the diamond box, families not speaking after an argument over who won the Twingo.

In the end, it's all about profit, PR and celebrity. As usual. The boulangers will have to add extra sugar to the frangipane to counter the bitter taste that their publicity stunts will surely engender. Traditional fun is corrupted into a mega money-making venture but in our brave new world which the French generally sneer at and blame on the Anglo-Saxon model, it's all about business... Yes, even in France.

Bonne Année!

Eating Income

Apparently there is a lucrative market out there for human fat. It's worth $15,000 per litre to the cosmetics' industry. These ladies must be worth 500K at least, and they are by no means exceptional in their fatness. The world's population is exploding with the morbidly obese, many of whom complain that they are discriminated against when looking for a job.

Well, fear no more, mega-fatties of the world. There is hope. A lurid tale from South America has drawn attention to the market in human fat. The Times today has an article about a Peruvian gang who lured victims into the jungle, killed them, removed their limbs then heated them upside down to harvest the fat in large vats. They've been at it for 30years!

Frankly though, why go to all that trouble? Cosmetics companies could simply have a deal with the nearest liposuction clinic where at least they'd be sure that the fat was being removed in sterile conditions.

Just think of the job opportunities for the obese of this world. They could do what they love best - eat for money. The more they eat, the more they earn. Sounds too good to be true though. I have a nasty feeling that if word got around, the market would be (polyun) saturated in a short time and prices would be forced to drop to unsustainable levels of burger consumption.

If this is all making you feel a little queasy, and it does give a new twist to the concept of a 'fat farm', you might think it's high time you turned to making your own cosmetics. Not with a syringe and your own chunky thighs mind, but with natural ingredients such as olive oil, coconut oil and rosemary essential oil.

It's becoming quite the rage, including in France, and there are lots of websites dedicated to teaching you how to make skin creams, shampoo, tonics and face masks. Having looked at them, it's all quite a faff so for the dedicated rather than half-hearted eco-warrior, I'd say. If you're interested, Google 'making cosmetics' and you'll come up with a good selection.

Excuse me while I go tot up my fat cat $$ potential. I have a few bills to pay...

Don't Give - Invest

Have you ever wondered if the money you give to charity actually ever gets to its destination or if it's swallowed up in administrative costs or diverted to line the pockets of corrupt government officials? The fact that African leaders such as Mugabe lead such extravagant lives I expect is much to do with sequestrating the millions that are pumped into the country through aid and charitable gifts.

The ordinary African on the street trying to make a living, expanding a little business, managing his/her own life is hampered by cash flow problems and investment issues. Not everyone wants to accept aid. Most people would much prefer to be provided with the means by which they can progress, preferably without having to feel grateful.

Gratitude is very tricky. People who want to be in charge of their own lives are proud. They don't want to have to feel grateful for a handout. Gratitude often goes hand in hand with resentment from being in an inferior position. If you were in a sticky situation, would you be happy to take help, or would you rather accept a temporary loan that you would insist on paying back ASAP?

There's no reason to think that Africans are any different. Or Indians, or indeed anyone else. In Bangladesh, the Grameen Bank has offered small loans to millions of people, 97% of whom are women. It has helped them climb their way out of poverty through their own hard work.

In The Times yesterday, there is an article focusing on a project in Africa whereby potential investors can examine the needs of African entrepreneurs through the website MyC4.com and, from the comfort of their computer chair, make a bid on the amount of money needed according to the rate of interest they would like to propose. The investor offering the lowest rate wins the investment. S/He can then supply all or some of the loan.

So far, over $5m has been invested in the scheme. The default rate is very low - only 2-3%, and those entrepreneurs who do default are then unable to get another loan because no one wants to invest in a known failure. Of course, the great thing about the internet is that it can attract a worldwide audience and MyC4 is no exception - 78 countries are registered, with more than 10,000 investors.

I think it's a terrific idea because you know for sure that if you loan 100€, for example, the whole 100€ will be available to the person at the other end. Small businesses are thus able to thrive and even take on employees, people are made independent, and the local economy benefits.

Check out the site MyC4.com - you can't fail but be impressed.

Costly Nationality

Rip-off Britain, it's called; over-priced for a holiday, cheaper to fly to the Costas, and ruinous to live in.

Even the Government is fleecing its citizens. Have you seen the price for a passport now? I need to change the name on mine, back to my maiden name. Just one change - I renewed it only in 2003 so I've got a fair few years on it yet. No half-price bargain because I've still got 5 years to run on it! No sirree. It'll cost me the price of a full renewal, again. Yes! Even for a name change, I have to go through the whole procedure all over again, which will cost 158€.

Good grief! For the French, it'll only cost 60€ to get an adult passport. I'm in the process of renewing the boys' passports and decided to keep them French because it'll only cost 60€ for two instead of 202€ for two British passports.

Is there any country that has more expensive fees? I'm absolutely disgusted. If France can keep the price down, then how come the Brits can't? Apparently, the price is high to pay for the introduction of ID cards, but France already has ID cards without having to fleece its citizens.

If they can do it, WHY CAN'T WE?

I've been meaning to register the boys as British citizens at the consular, and get them British birth certificates, but guess how much that'll cost. Registering each child costs 122€, and a birth certificate costs 78€, total : 400€; plus two passports: 602€; plus my passport: 760€.

Seven hundred and sixty euros. It no longer pays to be British, it costs.

Agloco - a piece of the cake

I am not generally much interested in money making from my blog mainly because I find the ads a pain in the butt. One site though has made me think again. It doesn't oblige you to have irritating ads spoiling the page and its aims, while not philanthropic, could be summarised as 'a piece of the cake for everyone'.

Agloco is, as they say, the internet's first economic network. The idea is that, while users create the internet network, especially networking sites such as Facebook from which companies generate billions of advertising and marketing opportunities, the users are not actually getting a piece of the financial action. Agloco aims to rectify that.

It's free to join, after which you are paid by various means:

• Members earn a monthly share of the AGLOCO revenue based on the use of the AGLOCO Viewbar™ that month.
• Members earn part of the company based on the use of the AGLOCO Viewbar™ that month (currently a maximum of five hours are rewarded).
  
• Members who use our referral system to help build the AGLOCO network will earn more. (AGLOCO only has significant value as a large network and people who help build it should be rewarded. – We also feel that the early users who told friends about YouTube or MySpace or even Google probably deserved something too, but no referral system was available to record their work).
• Members will also get a share of any commissions AGLOCO gets when a Member purchases a product or service from an AGLOCO Sponsor company.

Seems fairly painless, doesn't it?

I'm not going to witter on about this. If you'd like to find out more, click here.
My referral is BBGN4491.

Euro Teeth

Copyright

When you were young, how much did the tooth fairy pay for your precious little milk teeth? If you're my age, apparently it was about 17p, according to an article in the DT. That is a suitably silly number which probably means we got 10 or 20p. I hardly think the tooth fairy would be likely to empty all her loose change under a pillow in exchange for a tooth.

What do children these days get in the UK? More like £1, with 1 in 12 getting £2. Such a rise is in line with that of house prices. Amazing what you learn, isn't it? You can be sure I'll remember that piece of useless information instead of something really useful. Very annoying it is too!

Why the thoughts on teeth all of a sudden? Well, chez nous, we're having an avalanche of falling teeth. There are at least 6 wigglers on the go, between both boys. My eldest is so fed up with one that he tried yanking it out this evening, to no avail. We offered the use of pliers, the car, the radio-controlled car, the cat (having his food bowl shaken at the end of the garden...) etc. Each suggestion was turned down, to our chagrin, in favour of a tissue and brute boy strength.

My youngest is just letting it all take its course and thinking about reaping the benefits of tooth fairy finance when the great fall day comes. He may already be examining placements for his investments; those that give good growth, with enamel hard security.

Here in France, it's not £1 that they get but 2€ which is slightly more although pre-euro days, it would have been 10FF. Some petits souris only stretch to 1€, so one has to make sure to lose one's teeth in the most finanacially advantageous household. If one has the option of a 2€ tooth fairy or a 1€ petit souris, obviously it's best to keep the SuperGlue handy until one gets back to the highest paying option.

These days you can earn serious money from your teeth. I think we spent our pennies on sweets...

Free Lunch?

There's no such thing as a free lunch, they say. Unless you are a locally elected official in France, it seems.

Perhaps it is the threat of not dishing out subventions that gets them invited everywhere for nothing. What we have found during our preparations for the Promo'Arts charitable evening is that expecting them to pay is greeted with shock. Ca ne se fait pas, chère amie!

Logically, however, someone has to open their cheque book at a charity event. It is, afterall, the aim of a charity event to earn money for charity (in this case, La Ligue Contre le Cancer). We are not putting on an evening's entertainment out of the goodness of our hearts. I'm not sure this concept has quite sunk in.

At previous events, not organised by us, guests have considered the evening as a soirée mondaine, have stuffed themselves silly on the sumptuous buffet, drunk themselves under the table on the wine, and contributed not one cent to the charity in whose name the event was organised. Call us stuffy old FrAnglo-Saxon pedants if you will, but that is not what charity is all about.

Our art auction involves about 18 paintings. That means a maximum of 18 people can buy one. They may only pay peanuts if no one else is bidding on that particular painting, which means the whole evening's financial success rests on the whim of a small group of potential bidders. Everyone else would be busily stuffing themselves, getting drunk and then going home, their wallets intact.

But, we have a cunning plan...

Guests will have to buy their glass if they want a drink. To obtain a glass they will have to cough up a minimum of ten euros; more if they like, or if they are persuaded that being generous would be a really good idea... Then they can drink as much as they like and eat.

This idea is causing much mirth and evil chuckling amongst the sponsors (themselves exceptionally generous people), and much shock and disbelief amongst the representatives of locally elected officials. If they want to drink, they will have to pay. I'm not sure it's ever been done before here. We aim to shock and to get people thinking and acting. Word is spreading in the town that we are not sucking up to politicians, not asking them for money, and expecting everyone to participate at what is certainly going to be one hell of an evening.

It's causing such a stir but who was it who said that there's no such thing as bad publicity? Where we had been ignored before, we are now being solicited for invitations. Dontcha just love politics?