Wot French News?

Over my morning cuppa and cereal I do enjoy a nice read of a UK newspaper - usually The Times. Online, natch. You won't catch me paying 5Eur for a wad of out-of-date paper I can read for nothing, and on time, without having to leave the comfort of my dressing gown, on my computer.

I like the look of The Times online; it has an authoritative but friendly type face and is easily navigable. The Telegraph is good too for its user-friendliness. But whither French newspapers? Wither French news?

I can't say I'm a great follower of French news. Not because I'm not interested, but it's such hard work. The news on the tele is little more than a celebrity PPDA show (balding and trying not to show it with implants star newsreader Patrick Poivre d'Arvor) on TF1, and strangely inadequate on FR3. FR2 concentrates on local news with the national stuff on while you're trying to cook dinner. The other news programmes are on while you're trying to eat dinner when, in our house, the tele is off so we can meaningful conversations about the state of the world (ahem) or rather who's not talking to who at school on the sofa since the table has not YET arrived (it's being remade in India, due to be delivered week 19. When's that?? Why not say 'around May X?). The boys enjoy a quick blast on M6 but it's not what you would call a proper round-up of the day's news.

Thus frustrated I went in search of the news online. You'd think it would be easy, wouldn't you? Just take the day's newspaper, design an attractive layout and bung on what's already been written. Well, try Le Monde's confusing and eye-bashing site. It's all close together and you can't tell in an instant what is where and what it's about.

How about Libération? Well, there is so little on the 'front page' you wonder if there is actually any news in France worth mentioning. Taking two of the main news items on today's 'page' about Sarko, opened, they run to three paragraphs and roughly 100 words. Call that news? On the other hand, there are lots of remarks from readers, I suppose making up for the paucity in cover.

France 24 is primarily a television site, so most of the articles are video clips. They may be great, but I just want to read for myself, quietly, and not wait for anything to download.

On to the Nouvel Observateur, and today, the top news is about two kids who were lost at sea in Finistère. Right... If you look hard, you can find the 'real' newspaper stuff with other sections including the international one where, for example, today, the top story covers how there are anti-French demonstrations in Chinese cities.

These websites have a lot of work to do if they are to rise to the standards of UK newspaper websites. You have to consider user-friendliness because if a reader can't find her way around easily, she'll just look elsewhere. It shouldn't be difficult because it doesn't have to be. It's just a question of design. Content, written in a non-tiring font is also important, preferably written without the self-importance of the journalist showing blatantly through.

So, forgive me if I can't answer too well about what's happening in France. I do try, but they make it so damned difficult and boring I find myself rushing back to The Times before my eyes glaze over completely leaving me liable to topple blindly out of my first floor window whilst on my way to the loo...

News

Tonight's news items include:

1. The Telegraph has had over 1000 entries for its book competition. As they are selecting only the first 50 to post as finalists, I am philosophical as to my chances.
2. There is a raging debate at home as to the pronunciation of the word 'Nutella'; pronounced 'nut' or 'noot'. I lead the 'nut'-ists.
   
3. There is a lesser debate on the pronunciation of the word 'shush'; as in 'bush' or 'fuss'. I say both depending on the weather, my mood, whether the moon is waxing and whether I've had a G&T.
4. I am now the official Sécretaire of Promo'Arts Association (1901 or whenever it was) so you can expect news of that on a sporadic basis, and if you'd like to join, just let me know.
5. I am fed up with The Times updating their debates comments once a day. The Telegraph manages to update their 'Your View' comments much more frequently and I think The Times should pull their finger out...
6. I went to see 'Apocalypto' last weekend and thought it amazing; visually stunning with a great storyline and characterisation. The Mayan language just made it all the more credible so massive kudos to Mel Gibson, despite his abhorrent views, for pulling off a masterpiece.
7. There's a really funny spoof website for François Hollande which has a mobile phone ringtone of Ségolène Royal from where I would also like to introduce the word 'neuneu' to my blog (Généralement un individu vaguement simiesque, monocouille et hydrocéphale...).
   
8. The Great Barrier Reef off Australia has some corals which are over 1800feet thick and have been aged at 18million years old. I don't understand how this can be if the earth is only 10,000 years old (according to the far more scientifically accurate Creationists *cough*). Never mind, it's all dying anyway from the effects of global warning. If you ever wanted to see it, get there quick before it is all bleached and dead forever.
9. There have been local entries for the Washington Post's word competition, including 'Pish'; a species of fish measuring 3.14159265358979 recurring.
10. I'm thinking of buying a laptop. To Vista or not to Vista?

And that's all the news from the Montpellier news office for tonight. Thank you and good night.

Brainless

I'm feeling very brainless. Obviously I am befuddled by gin and Cremeau d'Alsace... I have just tried (unwisely) the Times' Brain Power questions which was really stupid because a) I'm totally crappy at maths, and b) I am well-fed, well-watered and feeling groggy. So, I got 6 points and am placed at number 165 out of I don't know how many. My little white spot on the chart of top and average results hung in a desultory manner at the bottom of the table.

I got the wordy one right though, and one other number one which I guessed. hee hee.

Now that I'm panicking that my brain has not only reached the top of the slippery slope, but is careering down it at neck-breaking speed towards the abyss, I have been reading some of the advice given to keep the old grey cells clinging on for dear life to their synaptic pathways instead of sinking into a comfortable state of watching Big Brother with their feet up.

The Sunday Times provides a PDF file of 'Weekend' devoted to brain power; how to conserve it, understand it and use it by training it for fulfilment and happiness. Sounds a tall order, doesn't it?

One of the ways for oldies not to lose their minds is to take different routes on familiar journeys. You can also try painting a picture (or painting one with your feet if you're an artist! NG will love that one!), and using a different hand to brush your teeth. So, full of the joys of spring, today I took a different route and am keenly looking forward to brushing my teeth with my left hand tonight. I'm hoping that tomorrow's Brain Power test will be that much easier to tackle and that I'll be luckier with my wild guesses.

I'll do it BEFORE my G&T.