Thursday, April 20, 2006

Cegetel de crap

Following my ongoing saga with Cegetel, I get a 'mise en demeure' today to pay the 59.80Eur before access to the service is suspended.

I ring Cegetel to ask, quite nicely, how they can possibly suspend a service which doesn't exist. I ask to be put into contact with Ms Camille Delors, who sent me the request for money. The Cegetel girl tells me that I'm at the wrong number because I called the payment number. I ask, still nicely, if she can put me through to the right number, even though the number I called is identified as 'Service Client'. Of course she can't. I have to ring off and call again, and in any case, I will not be able to talk to Ms Delors. I am surprised at this. Is Ms Delors too high and mighty to placate irate customers, despite being, according to her letter, a 'Directeur Service Client'? It would seem so.

The girl tells me that I'll never be able to talk to the person who signed my letter, so I will never be able to ask her how she supposes one can suspend something which does not exist. This is a shame, as I enjoy existential discussions, and this one looks quite juicy.

I still have not heard from Mr Nicolas Maguin, the Director of Service Clients directors to whom I wrote a charming letter asking him to do his job.

I am led to the conclusion that Cegetel, like so many other businesses, does not like customers. Customers are messy and get in the way. Hospitals don't like either doctors or patients. They disrupt cosy administrative order. Doctors keep asking for things, like new material, and get stroppy when they don't get them, and patients turn up ill and require costly treatment. It really isn't good enough.

For Cegetel, however, their joy is to have a 'customer' like me, who makes no demands on their services, but from whom they debit a monthly sum. Even when I realise that they are syphoning off money whilst providing no visible service, and draw this little issue to their attention, I am still in the wrong and am required to pay the outstanding 59.80Eur.

Dear reader, do not, under any circumstances have anything to do with Cegetel. Tell them to piss off when they call trying to sell you broadband or phone connections. Tell them, that they cannot even transfer from one in-house service to another, so how can they possibly expect the public to have confidence in their providing a national and international phone connection? Tell them, that you do not wish to be paying for a non-existent service after your death and that your children do not wish to be hounded upon your deathbed.

M Maguin, or indeed, the elusive Ms Delors, if you are reading this, please ensure that no one from Cegetel ever rings me again to sell me something. The name of Cegetel will never darken my doorstep ever again. You have lost a customer forever. You may have to communicate this information to several different departments, seeing as you have no lateral communication within your company. Do this.

Cegetel is dead to me.


  1. What makes me 'laugh' is the smarmy smooth-voiced ad campaigns (I mean look at Alice, for example or "Vous imaginez pas tous ce que Citröen peut farire pour vous etc etc) yet the service NEVER lives up to what they promise

    p.s. I came on your blog after reading on C Bremner's that you were looking for a second-hand car and I've got one to sell but am too far away - dommage!!

  2. Oh, shame, especially if it's a Peug 406 break in good working order for around 7000E...


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