Here is a paragraph from my PetiteAnglaise parody (sorry, can't resist) :
"I am aware of a tinkling of water playing in a neighbour's pond. I shift uncomfortably as it presses on me a reminder of the urgent state of my bladder. His fingers languidly caress my bare calf. Up, down, curling around on my silky skin. The feeling is delicious and would send twinges of pleasure pulsating round my tensing body, but I have noticed a patch where my razor missed and black stubble is sitting staring at me insolently. It is waiting for his sensitive finger tips to find their way, drawn inexorably towards a shock of bristle. I turn my leg, imperceptibly I hope, and my mind wills his not to venture too far south, but to consider a journey further north..."
"IM R OF A TINKLNG OF W8R PLAYNG IN A NAIGHBOURS POND!1!!1!!!1 LOL I SHIFT UNCOMFORTABLEY AS IT PRESES ON M3 A REMINDAR OF DA URG3NT STAET OF MAH BLADER!1!1!!! WTF HIS FNGARS LANGUIDLEY CAERS MAH R CALF!!!!!1 OMG LOL UP DOWN CURLNG AROUND ON MAH SILKY SKIN!!11!! OMG WTF TEH FELNG SI D3LICIOS AND WUD S3ND TWNGAS OF PL3ASURA PULSATNG ROUND MAH TENSNG BODY BUT I HAEV NOTIECD A PATCH WHARE MAH RAZOR MISAD AND BLAK STUBLE SI SITNG STARNG AT M3 INSOL3NTLEY!1111111 WTF IT SI WATENG FOR HIS SANSITIEV FNG3R TIPS 2 FIND THERE WAY DRAWN IENXORABLEY 2WARDS A SHOK OF BRISTLA!!1!1!1 LOL I TURN MAH L3G IMPERCEPTIBLEY I HOP3 AND MAH MIND WILS HIS NOT 2 VENTUR3 2 FAR SOUTH BUT 2 CONSIEDR A JOURNEY FURTHAR NORTH.!!!1!1!11!1111 OMG WTF LOL"
This is pretty amusing in some ways, though one dare not consider the implications for the future of English at the hands of these children. Still, amusez-vous and see how your impeccable English can be transformed at the drop of a click into the language of a parallel universe.
It all came about because Melissa posted this email sent her by her father:
"HIya people errrrr so obviously i'm a t**t an i am actually ok!! I couldn't believe it when we landed was so f**kin happy......anyway.... i may not be psychic bu tha don't mean astrology int true!!! so f**k off!!
Marlowe an lucy took me to the airport!! lifesavers...thank you both...they also stayed in the airport with me........wine!! i thought it was a chiller bu now i know its defo true pepes....I prob had a bottles worth at the airport an almost a bottle on the plane too, was pretty amazing, proper sorted me out.....i weren't scared atall on th plane....jus had a wicked laugh............In a pool bar at the mo, not actually allowed in th pool tho after the sun's gone down!!! greeek law!!!
Anyway...........baker's cool we gettin on wel, avin a right laugh........f**k knows howw many drinks we ad tonight (he got the eve off) bu we been drinkin since half 8, an it been constant..........
Got ere at 5 dis mornin an went down th beach, then to a bar.....was sittin there, th sun comin up.......f**kin beautiful...............mate............................................
trust me people, if ya int on ya way or already in a career then f**k off!!!! Wha ya doin?? england int th bolox!! is nott!!! anywib pepes of th field............
i'm soz for the weird e-mail bu if ya read it, it yo fault...ya know!??!!!!
Kat babe.........i f**kt up by missin my flight to ya.....you av no idea how much i wanted t see ya,,,bu i ad not enough dolar t start ioff wi, then i missed ma flight!!! idiot!!! i'm sorry, i had no choice bu i love you miollions, cant actuually wait t see you, my punkish bitch!!! an juz,
love you both xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
people hope yo all good, an goach i never said u was narrow minded...you can't be to be mates wi the people you are so tha don't eeven make sense,,,\\
gotta go lovas.laterz, hope yo coooooooooool xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
See? The translator is pretty good isn't it? This, after all, comes from a young woman, not a 12-yr old. I thought her behaviour rather stunning(ly awful), but on a positive note, there is a lack of extraneous capital letters, although she also leaves out many essential others too.
Makes you think though... isn't it wonderful that English is such an adaptable language...?