There was an alien in my mirror this morning. No idea who it was although it bore a vague resemblance to me. It was all puffy and battered and looked like it had had a rough night. Odd that, because I am not sleeping well at the moment either. I'm way too excited.
I'm going on a little trip to the US later this month. It's a state top secret why though, but anyone with two nano brain cells to rub together would not take long to work out why.
Anyway, back to the alien. I went and made brekkie, including a life-restoring cuppa, and upon my return to the mirror, discovered that the alien had gone. In its place was a recognisable reflection of me. Luckily, I have been watching the tele recently and seen Andie MacDowell apply L'Oréal's Revitalift to what looks like perfect skin.
Actually, I have it on good authority that in real life she's quite wrinkly which makes one wonder if she does indeed use Revitalift or not, and if not, why not... Still, I'm more concerned with my own skin than hers and just hope she doesn't not use it because she comes out in a rash. In the ad, her perfectly photoshopped skin gets a dose of what looks like polyfiller and looks even more perfect, airbrushed within a laughter line of its life.
How can one not be impressed, and dash out immediately to buy some? I resisted for a long time, but the alien look in the morning is starting to scare me, so I thought I'd try a cream-induced lift as a cheaper option to major surgery.
This morning then, I opened the packets - yes, two, it's called the 'whole hog' - I don't do things by halves and smeared cream over the 'A' zone and my eyelids. I won't say I wasn't expecting a miracle, because I was. Needless to say, it didn't happen. The polyfiller effect may have taken one look at the depth of my wrinkles and called for backup, of course, but none was forthcoming, so I didn't really notice a sudden airbrushed improvement.
Shame really, because that stuff is not tuppence ha'penny a pot. Maybe it needs regular use. I'll keep you posted.