Saturday, October 22, 2011

"Mummy, You Look Pregnant"

The immortal words of my youngest son this summer, blast him. Still, sometimes you need a kick up the arse to get you moving, and get moving is what I did.

As this is not a sponsored blog I'm not going to plaster the mark of the equipment I used, but I'll mention it in tiny letters at the end.

I may have mentioned before that I find exercise unutterably boring. It can be mildly alleviated by listening to music on an MP3 player, but not enough in my opinion, and my player was 'borrowed' by my eldest son and dumped back with the announcement that it didn't work any more. Thanks, son!

But I have a friend who gave me a stomach firming kit which uses battery-controlled buzzing (or vibrations but it feels like buzzing). Stomach-firming for the lazy, I call it, and thus perfect for yours truly. I'd had it for a while, and used it from time to time on a fairly low level. Naturally nothing much happened and I didn't like using it in the winter as the pads are so cold it's torture putting them on and waiting for them to warm up. Yes, I'm that much of a wimp.

However, my youngest son's image of me convinced me to speed things up a bit. As it was July and thus relatively warm (not that warm as we had crap weather) I happily got the kit out and racked it up to 20. It buzzed with much more vigour. Next day 21 then 25 (buzz buzz) for a few days then I thought, what the hell, and set it as 30.

So did it work? Well, yes it DID! Amazingly so.

My TWDB told me that there are two zones to the stomach area: a sexy one below the belly button, and a normal one above. On models, they are flat as a board from top to bottom, but while this is what's required to be a clothes' horse, it is not ideal from a male point of view. Your average bloke likes beneath the belly button to be gently rounded because this denotes fertility and sexual attraction (did you know that?). A flat area is not sexy because it doesn't show a high level of potential fertility.

However, above the belly button should be flat and 'held in' by the stomach muscles. Presumably otherwise one is likely to be mistaken for being pregnant...

You could be doing 100 sit-ups every day for the same effect, but frankly, why bother, especially if you have a delicate back? Kit yourself out in a buzzing belt and you can exercise whilst watching tele, reading a book, surfing on the internet or even ironing!

I now have a much-improved silhouette, can get into more of my trousers and feel much better. My TWDB is delighted because while he thought the same as my son, he didn't dare say anything (what a sweetie!). My youngest does have a tendency of saying things how they are but he does it with such sincerity that one can only think of it as a call to action rather than take offence. Mind you, I did take a tiny bit of offence, then pulled myself together because he was absolutely spot on!

The kit I used, then is Slendertone, and you can get them pretty cheaply on Ebay. Highly recommended.