Friday, October 24, 2008

La Ligne Anti-Relous

Sounds incomprehensible, no? Well, it's verlan for 'lourde' minus the 'd', plus a plural 's'. You can't say I don't keep up with youth-speak, nor that I'm insularly encased in my mid-40s. Nope, I listen to Fun Radio in the mornings (not from choice, mind) and have discovered this little gem of Manu's, the DJ.

I don't know whether such a service exists elsewhere, but it's a marvellous idea, as well as being deliciously piquant in it's wickedness.

It's designed for all those who date, who meet strangers and get chatting, and is available wherever you are. Imagine you're at a party. You might be cold stone sober or you might be a bit tipsy. Some geezer (or chick but we'll stick with the geezer scenario if you don't mind) comes lurching up and starts engaging you in conversation. He's a foul slob who is boring the pants off you pretending to be some big shot when you can quite clearly tell he's a total plouc and he's certainly not someone you want to meet ever again.

You announce your imminent departure and he starts pressing you for a phone number. He's really insistent and you know that he's not going to bugger off until you give him satisfaction. However, you are crap at making up numbers on the spot, especially if he asks you to repeat it, and you don't want him to have your phone number. What to do?

Give him the number for la ligne anti-relous 06 34 62 26 28. Having memorized it for just such an occasion, you can easily pass it off as your own, and can go home knowing that that's the last time you'll ever have anything to do with this boring twat.

When he rings it, he'll think he's on your answer-phone, but he's not. He's being recorded by the ligne anti-relous to be broadcast, if funny enough, for all and sundry to hear at 7.40am weekday mornings on Fun radio!

And some of the messages are hilarious. The guys put on their gruffest voices, all the way down to their boots - it's supposed to impress the chicks, a deep gruff voice - and some can barely talk because they are still too drunk.

Today there were two who sounded so weird that Manu (the DJ) declared the line to be 'anti-serial killer' for the first and 'anti-perv' for the second. Of course, he makes suitably silly comments about the callers and it's one of the most entertaining moments on radio.

You might think it's a cruel and mean thing to do, but there are some real twats out there who, frankly, deserve to have the piss taken out of them. No identities are revealed either, so it's just all good harmless fun at the expense of the more distasteful or just plain idiotic elements of society.

It certainly brightens up my early starts, getting my eldest and me chuckling together. A bonding moment...

1 comment:

  1. Oh, so *that's* where he went! I've been listening to Nagui & Manu on Europe2 (now Virgin Radio) for a few years, and all of the sudden they were replaced by these crappy DJ's. Looks like Manu went to FunRadio and Nagui went off to develop his TV career - it all makes sense now!


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