Monday, December 10, 2012

I Survived the Christmas Market

It may be my imagination but I get the impression that the Montpellier Marché de Noël has shrunk since last year. Despite the fact that it says on the Montpellier.fr website that more than 100 little wooden chalets are on the Place de la Comédie, the whole marché has been stuffed up the Esplanade leaving the Place free for hip hop street artists, accordionists and other entertainers around whom vast crowds gather making it tricky to circulate. Almost as tricky as having four rows of wooden chalets made it last year.

To enter the marché, stand at the entrance and take a deep breath. Then plunge. It's the only solution to successfully circulating I can advise. You will undoubtedly be mown down by a chunky pushchair bearing a sticky-fingered toddler holding a Christmas lollipop and a demented parent who is either a) regretting not buying the smallest, most manoeuvrable pushchair possible; or b) so wrapped up in Christmas panic that not one thought was spared to considering the wisdom of taking Baby Tank into a Very Crowded Area and is furious to find so many people muttering angrily at his/her attempts to kneecap them as s/he forces a passage through the throng.

You will also trip up over the lead of a dog whose owner thought it a marvellous idea to go for walkies in an area full of boots that kick walk. You will certainly walk smack into a group of people who suddenly stop to a) talk on their mobile; b) spot some friends and go through the ritual kissy kissy; c) examine something fascinating from the middle of the passageway; d) bend down to tie the shoelaces of a previously invisible child; e) decide they are going the wrong way so make an abrupt about-turn.

If you are with a partner who is muttering darkly about crowds, Christmas, the cold, and wishing he hadn't come, one's whole 'joy to the world' attitude gets a bit ragged after about five minutes (at most). Yesterday afternoon I got the one thing I went for, and will not be going back to the market. Wild horses couldn't drag me. Not with those crowds.

I did not get the two other things I went for, cue much grinding of teeth. I'll have to go back for those, but they are sold in shops not the sodding Christmas Market.

Fortuitously, I had made some mince pies that morning and put the artificial (I'm so green...) 4' tree up (on the table) with the help of my youngest, so a festive atmosphere greeted me when I stomped back into the house. I went straight to the kettle, and helped myself to a pie or two.

When I say 'festive' it goes without saying that that background music was not a CD of Michael Bublé singing his favourite Christmas hits (on his 2011 album as a gift for his 'naughty and nice fans'...! and which I don't have) but an XBox battle of soldiers or zombies killing each other with weapons that made a loud noise. Anyone who lives or has lived with boys will take that as read. They will only go so far to humour you (and Michael Bublé is definitely beyond those bounds).

I have a list of phrases I say on a (thrice) daily basis:
"Turn it down"
"Homework?"
"Turnit down"
"Clear away your plates"
"Dishwasher!"
"Yoghurt pots, bin, now"
"Turnitdown!"

Just before I headed up to the peace and tranquillity of my bedroom with my Kindle, cuppa and mince pie, I managed to yell my way down the list in quick succession over the racket. My parenting for the day was thus sorted.

18 comments:

  1. LOL, Sarah! To my mind nothing beats online shopping at this time of year. :-) Your phrases for the boys ring distant bells for me and very loud ones indeed for our daughter.

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    1. I totally agree, Perpetua, and most of my shopping is done online too, but there are certain things I have to get physically because the postage is too high otherwise.

      Adolescents need constant reminding I find. They forget the basics within a day, or just hope you'll get too bored to remind them and do it yourself. :)

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  2. Ha Ha! My list always contained, "Please take off your outdoor shoes". There is one thing worse and that is a grown offspring who comes back to the family home and expects all the privileges of an adult and all the support a child would receive. The clash of the two has recently made me ill( compunded by a trip to the sub-zero atmosphere of the Brussels Christmas market). I am now recovering at home and visiting new blogs, of which yours is one.

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    1. Welcome, sensibilia, I'm glad you found some solace in my blog, and I'm sorry you've been made ill by the behaviour of your offspring.

      At the rate my eldest son is going, I can see him never leaving home because he'll never find the energy to move his backside or gain the qualifications to make him employable. Captain Lazy is a polite way of describing him...

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  3. I can empathise re the market (for which read anywhere in Britain from November onwards :( and I like your parenting style!!

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    1. Haha, CQ, I guess yours is a tad similar from what I've read.

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  4. If I want to enjoy a Christmas Market (as much as one can with the dog leashes and the crowds of people abruptly halting in front of a moving crowd), I have to leave my husband at home.
    And I find it funny, that I don't have children yet I say, "turn it down!" more times a day than I can count :)

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    1. Funny you should say that about going alone. I had expected to go alone, but then my DB unexpectedly said he'd come too, and then remembered why he didn't like being there once we'd got there. *sigh*

      Sounds like you're getting some good practice for dealing with adolescents. :)

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  5. This did make me laugh. I seem to have found things easier this year. Shopped locally in our town which doesn't have a Christmas Market but does have a few independent shops. I gather for Lincoln market this year they had a one way system in place so if you forgot something you were buggered as you couldn't go back!

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    1. Gosh, why make it easy for people to spend money when you can make it really complicated!!

      I have done most of my shopping online in the UK in fact, and sending everything to my mum's so I don't have to lug them over. I have to get hold of crackers though from a shop in town - I'm hoping they have some this year again - for my DB's family where we're going for Christmas.

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  6. I've been ploughing mother and wheelchair through and round the Southampton Christmas market for what seems like an endless week as she remembers something else she wanted to look at...only to find that this is the German market and the real thing opens on Sunday....give me strength!

    You made me count my blessings though...there was no X Box when we returned home...

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    1. Sounds like you need more than a wee dram to keep going there, Fly.

      An XBox as well would just be the last straw. What a good thing your mother is not into zombie games or shoot 'em ups eh?!

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  7. Ha ha, same in our house. Just went around last night to a friends' house and she had the kids in sweet jim jams, fire on, tree done and Chrissy music. Then back to my house, dishes everywhere, food everywhere, boys sprawled on the couch watching sport at top audio blasting. Ahhh!

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    1. You're not alone Jody. And neither am I. Thank god! I have never been able to conjure up the perfect Christmas atmosphere with the boys in the house. Gracious living grinds to a halt with weapons on the sofa, ammo on the coffee table and shoes everywhere on the floor. Plus dirty socks. *sigh*

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  8. German Christmas MArkets are fantastic. hAven't had the privilege of visiting a French Xmas market though. Perhaps whe we return to the civilized world, one day, I will.

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    1. It's probably lovely too here, but I just don't like crowds. I think the German ones are exceptional, but there are still lots of people.

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  9. Well done for surviving the Christmas market...as for me, I did everything online this year. I know that it is sad, but so much easier...

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    1. I don't blame you, and it's not sad, just efficient and stress-free! I did most of mine online too. I love online stores. :)

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