Moi, Illegal Immigrant

According to Eurostar...

T'was the night (well 3) before Christmas 

We were sat on the train

A controller approached us

To send us out in the rain...

"T'is a systems error!"

I cried out in vain

"We have procedures

You must get off the train!"

Yes, yours truly and her children were almost mistaken for illegal immigrants complete with British/French passports, return tickets from Montpellier, and 30kg of presents and wine boxes between us. Your typical illegal immigrants in fact.

Here's the story. I bought the tickets back in October on the internet and was assigned seats in carriage 18. We travelled via Lille Europe which meant a quick connection of 32 minutes between the TGV and Eurostar trains. Luckily it did not involve a trek across town, and we made it through check-in, customs and baggage check, got our tickets stamped and arrived in the waiting room with 3 minutes to spare before boarding started.

Carriage 18 was at the back of the train so we had a nice long walk behind two guards all the way down the platform. No one else was following us...

The guards put up a barrier across the platform and told us to wait for those getting off before getting on... Normally of course we would stampede our way onto the train and bash anyone stopping us with a heavy suitcase...

The carriage was lovely and empty unlike the rest of the train which was bursting at the seams. We had no trouble stowing our bags unlike the others getting on at Lille who would have had to find nooks and crannies in the already over-stuffed slots.

Then the controller came along and asked us what we were doing in carriage 18. It was like some psychological thriller. You could almost hear the accompanying music thudding threateningly in the background. I showed him our tickets which said quite clearly carriage 18. He took them away, I went back to my Kindle and the boys went back to their crisps and film.

Then he came back with an explanation as to why we shouldn't be there. There are certain savvy illegal immigrants who buy two sets of tickets: one from Brussels to Lille, one from Brussels to London. They get on in Brussels without going through customs using the ticket to Lille, then at Lille, change seats and carry on to London. Clever n'est-ce pas!

To combat this, Eurostar devised a cunning plan to put all those going to Lille or Calais in carriage 18. No one should remain in there after Calais. Except illegal immigrants who would be unaware of this cunning plan. And us.

We created a sensation. They called London with our reference number, checked our passport numbers and found us to be... completely legitimate! However, procedures are procedures and we should have been dumped off the train at Calais at 9pm, at night! In the rain. Three days before Christmas. Luckily, our nice controller argued with some woman controller who, by the sound of it was a bit of a jobsworth, and said that the problem was a systems error and nothing to do with us, so there was no reason why we should not carry on to London.

So we did, and such is the illegal immigrant problem that the whole train had to go through customs again at St Pancras, filling the hall with lines of passengers. Suspicious types were taken aside and told to wait. We were beyond suspicion by now so sailed through into the tube and home! Phew!

And a merry Christmas was had by one and all, chez nous at least.

Made it enfin

We did actually make it!! On Monday evening the website gave information that those people with tickets for the weekend would have priority boarding the next day, Tuesday. So we took the TGV with our modified tickets, made it to Gare du Nord and caught the 12:19 that we should have taken on the previous Sunday.

The staff were charming and helpful, and there was a table of croissants, coffee and other goodies to greet our arrival. After the stress of the previous three days, the not knowing, the 'do I or do I not DO something', it was with much relief that we found ourselves actually going to London for Christmas, in comfort and warmth. Kudos to Eurostar for the effort it made and for allowing those who'd been most disrupted to travel.

Naturally we then had to cram everything we wanted to do in 3 days into one, but at least it all got done. My eldest, aged 13 has a new wardrobe from Primark (a hell hole if ever there was one) in Men's size S, and I didn't manage to open a non-resident bank account because, simply put, there is no longer such a thing as a non-resident bank account even though two people on the phone had told me it would be possible. The banking world gets ever stranger.

Unfortunately, we had to come back on Boxing Day, it being the half-way point of the holidays so that the boys could be delivered unto their father. What with the stress, the travel fatigue and the rushing about, I spent yesterday afternoon cloué au lit, prostrate with exhaustion and low blood pressure.

Apart from that, Christmas was lovely.

Waiting for Eurostar

I spoke too soon on Friday. We are still here, fallout of Eurostar's cancellations due to 'uncommonly cold weather' and electrics insulating issues.

To say I'm pissed off is an understatement. I have no idea if we'll be able to get to the UK or not by Christmas. Eurostar have said that even if they get the trains going again, they'll have a hard enough time managing with the people who are already booked on trains let alone coping with all the extras like me and the boys.

There is no contingency plan, no effort to find an alternative way to get people to travel, like on the ferries. The engineers may be working like mad to solve the problem, but what about the rest of the workforce? They could have been trained to put into action Plan Disaster Mitigation. Mind you, I suppose cooperation with the ferries is unthinkable seeing as they cut so dramatically into their market share.

I was hoping to see my family who I only see twice a year - hoping to have a proper British Christmas and being there for my mother who needs me at a time like this with so much to do and a totally dotty dad to contend with.

I read some comments online from people who were obviously going nowhere for Christmas and criticising those who were wailing about travelling, or not travelling. They said stuff like we should 'suck it up', be flexible, stop whinging, no one's died (how do they know???) and so on, which is somewhat patronising and dismissive of those who are not going on holiday exactly but hoping to spend time with their families who they might not see very often. Arrangements have been made, often months in advance, and undoing those arrangements is a major pain in the arse not to say a huge disappointment for everyone.

So here I am, waiting, not knowing, not able to make plans. The icing on the cake is that I've gone down with a bad cold/mini flu and spent yesterday afternoon in bed so I don't even feel mentally up to coping with the strain of thinking about alternative action.

Not happy.

Ground Air France

Were you thinking of flying into or out of France this summer? If you are, I would advise you either not to fly at the weekend, or use a company that is NOT Air France.

Just for a change, we are to endure yet another strike. This time it's the pilots and they plan to do this on the weekends between 10 July to 3 August. Mind you, they've only indicated that they intend to strike. If their demands are met in the next two months, they may deign to withdraw the threat.

What demands? you may ask. More pay, better security, fewer hours, longer tea-break, higher overnight stay standards, 'personal assistant' at every airport, nicer luggage, comfier seats? No, none of that. Well, they are very well paid and have already taken much action for the hours they work so it's neither of those sticky issues.

No, what they want is to have a specific union representation. Yes, you read that right. According to new rules, unions have to represent 10% of total employees, but the pilots only make up 5% of Air France, so they will no longer have their own voice.

I can understand that this is a major blow and should be rectified somehow, but threatening to sabotage the vacation time of blameless passengers is NOT the way to do it. I hardly think many passengers will be sympathetic to their demands, either. If they were striking their way out of filthy mucky working conditions or 5-min tea breaks or crappy airline luggage or unattractive cabin staff one could understand it.

But more union power? I don't think so!

I am not too worried as I hardly ever travel on Air France, and certainly not to the UK. I always take Eurostar and SNCF. By the way, did you know that you can reserve Eurostar tickets on the SNCF website now, at 3 months in advance too? Well played both companies for getting their act together and making passenger bookings and thus lives easier.

I used to have to wait to make the Eurostar reservations which were only open 2 months in advance and so lose out on the cheapest SNCF tickets which came on sale 3 months in advance. This year I've saved 100Eurs on summer transport tickets. Am I happy? You bet!

So beware Air France this summer, and if it's not them, it'll be the air traffic controllers and if it's not them it'll be the baggage handlers and if it's not them it'll be the ground staff. In fact, it's a brave person who opts to fly in July and August; one who enjoys living on the edge in a high-risk environment. It's a bit too much for me. I'm all for a quiet life, a low carbon-footprint and more than 15kg of luggage.

Fingers crossed that SNCF don't let me down...

Take the Train

In keeping with my urge to control my potentially rampant carbon footprint, journeying to and from the UK for our holiday was made, as ever, by train, viz SNCF and Eurostar.

I've tried to give up as much as possible on Ryanair because I loathe Michael O'Leary and I loathe flying his dismal service to Stansted. I hate his blatant 'Fleece the Punter' mission statement, the cattle-class treatment, and the stairway at the end of each journey out onto the windy tarmac of the landing zone and having to trudge into the airport.

So, train travel it was. My SNCF train to Paris Gare de Lyon was delayed by 30 minutes. I was supposed to pick up the boys, have a civilised light lunch in the Train Bleu before hopping into a waiting taxi to take us to Gare du Nord. Hmm, some hope. The ex was super late with the boys which meant no lunch, a queue for the taxi stretching back to Belgium and a desperate run for the RER to get to Gare du Nord in 30 minutes including buying tickets. The sort of travel I had intended avoiding like the plague.

I had to attack two innocent gendarmes with a request for WHICH LINE A or D which they answered immediately upon seeing the wild look in my eye and even kindly pointed in the right direction. They must get used to that sort of thing...

When we arrived at the Eurostar terminal, there was chaos, but it was nothing to what was just about to happen. People queuing all over the place because they hadn't opened the check-in, even to the point of blocking the exit from the escalator. When a solitary suitcase travelled up the escalator without an owner this set off all the bomb alerts and we all had to troop down the escalator again as they cleared the terminal just in case.

Almost an hour later (could have sat quietly in a queue for a taxi and made it quite comfortably!!) we were finally allowed to get on the train, whereupon we headed straight for the restaurant car. It was well passed lunch time, the boys and I were starving and nothing was going to stop us getting there first! For the record, my bacon bagel was very tasty with the little bottle of white wine. The nice thing about train travel is, at the other end, you don't have to wait for your luggage to turn up, and wonder if it's yours that got lost this time... And my little bro was even there to meet us!

The return journey was smoother but not without trouble. We got on at Ebbsfleet along with half a school's worth of adolescents. It's a nice, civilised place to be in because it's small, not too busy, and lovely and clean. The only problem is the risk of all the suitcase holds being taken once you get on the train. We managed to find enough room after a bit of jostling around of other people's stuff...

At Gare du Nord, we sailed into a taxi, no queue, paid 10€ for a lovely little tour around that part of Paris, arrived calmly at the Gare de Lyon where we went for a light supper at the Train Bleu. The boys were terribly impressed to be there what with the Belle Epoch ambiance, superbly painted ceiling and courteous waiting staff. My youngest even called the Maitre d'hotel over as he passed to inform him that his Caesar salad was quite delicious. This went down very well and we were treated with much solicitude from there on.

The lift took us back down to the concourse where we had to wait, unfortunately, for half an hour. This was the day that trains to and from Nice were being delayed for up to 10 hours so I suppose we had nothing to complain about. Or not as much... Our first class seats were extremely comfy, connected to electricity, and a delight for the next 3 hours.

Despite delays and such, I do prefer train travel. I love train stations where I detest airports. Stations are romantic (or the big ones are), while airports are functional and full of stress. My carbon footprint remains a gentle plod rather than a giant leap so I can even keep my environmental halo intact on a visit to home shores. Perfect!

No Strain by Train

I made an interesting discovery today concerning flying cheapy RyanAir as opposed to going on SNCF and Eurostar to London. I am taking the boys over for Christmas and today was the first day we could reserve SNCF tickets for that period. I think the reservations opened at midnight but I'll be damned if I'm going to stay up until the early hours to make a train reservation. How sad is that??

Anyway, by way of comparison, I checked with RyanAir yesterday to see how much it would cost. To start with, I'd have to go from Marseille because the Montpellier flights have been cut right back to Thursdays and Sundays. Going from Marseille involves parking costs, autoroute tolls and diesel, and takes 90 minutes to get there.

The listed price on the internet was a tempting 29.99Eur per person each way. Then, of course, you get the taxes. Then you have to pay 18Eur for each piece of hold luggage, plus, if we want to sit together, a further 6Eur each for priority boarding, each way.

Taking a taxi to get to and from Stansted is another £50 or so. Total price: 550Eur for three plus the fact that the boys would be in the wrong place upon their return because they would have to go straight back to Paris to be with their father for New Year.

The SNCF/Eurostar option, going via Paris so I can drop the boys off on my way back is roughly 530Eur plus Underground tickets on my Oyster card. If we take a taxi from Gare du Nord to Gare de Lyon it'll be marginally more expensive, then, but much more comfortable, much less hassle, and much better treatment from staff. For me, there's no comparison, AND my carbon footprint is that much lower so enabling me to go around with a saintly expression on my face.

I'm that well-organised, n'est-ce pas?! Necessity is, as you know, the mother of invention and it is an extra joy that one can be 'inventive' with a clean (earthly) conscience...