Authenticrap

You'll never believe me, but... my table arrived today... AND... was set up. WITH the chairs! I know, I was shocked too after all this time.

Don't worry though, there was cock-up n°3. The tele table was not in the van for some unknown reason. I was supposed to give the delivery guys a cheque for the final amount, but there was no way I was going to do that.

I called Authentica - the local branch where I bought the items. No answer. I tried again. No answer. Shut on a Monday? Could be, but they could have a message saying so. How tricky is that? It might prevent prospective customers from giving up and going to Bois et Chiffon instead...

So I tried to call Authentica HQ in Paris. A recorded voice told me that maybe I should call an 0800 number for customer services. I hung on to the direct number hoping to catch an actual person, but there was, wait for it... no answer. One of the delivery guys suggested they might all be on a coffee break. So I tried the 0800 number instead. I then pressed '2' as instructed, about an order in progress. Guess wot. Yep, no answer. I tried several times and each time got no answer.

A frustrating company to deal with as you can see!

The delivery guys suggested I write two cheques for half the amount each, but that they would check that this was okay with their supervisor. We hung about outside waiting for the call back and they regaled me with horror stories of delivering furniture. Authentica has problems with one customer out of two according to their experience. No hearsay, not rumour, just good old-fashioned 'been there, done it, got the tee-shirt' experience. My advice? Don't shop at Authentica.

Eventually, having not been called back, the delivery guy tries again. It transpires that the person who makes cheque-like decisions is... wait for it... not there. The guys are getting a little frustrated by now because it seems like there are an awful lot of people not working who should be who we need to contact. I asked him who he had spoken to, and he told me the guy I had 'incendié' during the first aborted attempt to deliver my stuff. I thought this was quite funny and was maybe why I was treated with a considerable degree of respect by the guys since.

Just goes to show that you try to be nice and accommodating and you get treated like shit. Be a bugger and the world trembles and behaves properly. Trouble is, I have to get really riled to be a bugger which is why, I suppose I've been treated a lot like shit.

Finally, the guys decided to take the executive decision of accepting two cheques one of which they would hold until Authentica got off its backside and delivered the tele table. Off they trotted with promises of coming back some time.

This evening I get a phone call from their office saying that Authentica had been in contact with them (not me) and said my tele table would be delivered at the end of May. They were having problems themselves with deliveries...

My advice? Shop anywhere you like, but if it's peace of mind and a smooth transaction you're worried about, avoid Authentica. They are totally crappy once the selling bit is finished. And don't expect an apology either.

The table does look lovely, you'll be relieved to hear!

Take Two

Last Friday I took two hours off work to await the arrival of my new table and chairs. They arrived, eventually, and then got taken away again because of an installation cock-up.

Take Two was today. The van arrives and out pop two jolly guys. They start unloading the chairs while I hurriedly scoff the last of my lunch outside, in the sun. Spring has arrived here and it's quite warm and lovely. I was even inspired to sweep the patio...

Not long after the chairs were unloaded and the bubble wrap removed, I noticed a huddle of urgently whispering men and deduced that there was (another) problem. How right I was. Guy One comes over to me and asks me not to hit him (!) but that some of the furniture is damaged. I'm not sure whether my reaction on Friday (testy) provoked those delivery guys to warn these delivery guys about the 'violent' foreign chick, but I was somewhat surprised at the nature of his request.

It transpired that the table had been encased, damaged, in its bubble wrap. This was not the fault of these guys as I clearly saw, and was not then overcome with any violent urges at all. One of the chair legs had been snapped in two too. Obviously I was not going to accept the delivery, so I signed the 'refusal' and off they went, mighty apologetically too. "Third time lucky" I called to them as they left.

Good thing I hadn't organised a dinner party for tonight...

Could Do Better...

Here's a good one : the delivery guys assigned the delivery and installing over your beautiful new table etc. arrive at 11.50am, you having been waiting for them since 10am as instructed. They walk in and announce that they cannot install anything as it wasn't on their order form and they don't have time, but they could leave the boxes of stuff...

Frankly I had to pick my jaw up from the floor gaping as it was with disbelief at the sheer incompetence, inefficiency and blatant disregard for the customer (me). When I asked the simplest question, why hadn't they called to let me know, their answer was that all the stuff was anyway in the van and it was too late. I didn't see the relevance to calling me to let me know that I didn't need to take two hours of annual leave off from work, but then there maybe logic in there somewhere - Up Yours logic, that is...

I got a little testy with them, they rang their boss, I spoke to the boss, told him I would have appreciated a phone call so I wasn't wasting my time and of course I just got a 'I don't give a shit' apology. In fact, they had to come and go because they needed a signature from me showing that I had refused the delivery because of installation issues...

I then rang the shop 'Authentica' and told them that they hadn't specified installation on the order form, so the delivery guys had come and gone, and that I was furious. She said installation had been specified because it always is, and she would get onto the delivery company.

I'm going to write to complain. I HATE taking time off for nothing, getting effed about by incompetent workmen and disregarded although I am a PAYING CUSTOMER.

I stormed back to work, went to lunch with my pals - WITH wine - and then this afternoon, the sofa delivery guy called 5 mins before he was due to arrive enabling me to dash back home to take delivery, with no problems, of my lovely new sofa. Such a contrast with this morning's clowns.

I may get the table next week, if they can dredge up enough brain cells to organise installation time as well as 'throw it at the client and bugger off' time. All the old stuff is being removed on Sunday of course. The best laid plans...

Impending Panic

It seems that furniture delivery guys are like buses. You wait and wait and then they all turn up on the same day!

I got two calls today to tell me that all my new furniture is being delivered tomorrow. PANIC stations then ensued because I haven't yet got rid of the old stuff and my living room is very limited in size. Hurriedly I called the guy who will come and take away your old furniture for free, but he can't come until Sunday afternoon.

I'm just going to have to hope it doesn't rain and dump the old stuff outside if I can't squeeze everything inside just for a couple of days.

However, I'm now terribly excited, as are the boys. What with having the water system installed plus the new furniture, I feel like we are heading rapidly towards a decent standard of living, at last. Not luxurious, not pretentious, just normally decent and it'll be the first time since I moved to France that I'll be able to enjoy such a pleasure!

Roll on the pals who want to come and visit me now! I just have to get the boys to remove their crap from the garden and there'll be no stopping the aperos al fresco this summer! Cool!

Upgrade

I'm feeling cold from the inside out. This has a lot to do with standing on a footie pitch watching my youngest play/not play for two hours while the temperature fell. I've got dinner on the go though so should be toasting from the inside out soon enough. If that fails, I'll take to my duvet which is looking increasingly inviting as it is.

After the emotional excitement of the day, I'm pooped! I not only watched my hero save ball upon ball in the goal of an unknown pitch, but I spent a ton of money on my new table, chairs and tv stand. Not that I have any of it yet however. As I was NOT in Ikea, I did not break my back carrying heavy boxes, did not stand in a line of 30 grumpy people with wailing small children/arguing bigger children and did not feel compelled to purchase 20 useful items as I traipsed through in search of the tills.

No, I sat at the table I was ordering, on one of chairs I was ordering, signed the order form, paid 30% by credit card and sauntered out. It'll be delivered and assembled which will save me hours of bad temper and enable me to spend more quality time with my lovely children...

By the end of April, my sitting room will be transformed and I will welcome pals to my not so humble abode without the need for poxy excuses about the cheap 'n' cheerful crap that makes my home look like a bad advert for Emmaus ('Let us take away your crap and make it sparky and new for a family in need...').

Overcome with the upgrading in the future general comfort levels of the family, I also got talked into getting a water purification system with Ekeo. We drink tap water which is potable, but full of unfortunate bits and bobs including nitrates, rust, bugs, limescale to name but a few. I spend a fortune on Calgon and stuff to keep my machines going, but of course as the water heater fills with deposits, so it takes more energy to heat and so my heating bill goes up. When we moved in two years ago, I was paying 80Eur per month. I now pay 97Eur.

So Ekeo will install a filter to take out the limescale and an inverse osmoser to purify what's left, then they'll put water saver bits on the taps and shower head and we'll be all set to save the planet and our health - less water use, lower electricity consumption and better quality water to drink. Bingo!

I wonder if it'll reduce wrinkles too...

Sofa Sagas

I've decided to join the credit crunch throngs. Why? Because the inside of my house looks like it was put together with a hotch potch of hastily thrown together items - which it was - and therefore needs to grow up a bit.

You know how you go into some people's houses and wonder at the amazing way everything just sort of goes, and it's all immaculate even though there are children? Well, mine is not like that, but it could be better than it is. A rough list includes a sofa, table with chairs, thing to put the tele on, sideboard, and while I'm at it, a new mattress wouldn't go amiss.

First stop the internet, natch, and a browse around Ikea, Habitat, odds 'n' sods sites and Steiner, Paris. Second stop, Ikea in the car on a Wednesday afternoon. I don't know what's happened to Ikea but their stuff looked dull, badly put together and uninspiring. The only sofa that might do was 1090Eur which is a lot to spend on something you might hate having had to struggle to put it together.

Steiner sent me an estimate for a beautiful angle sofa - 4660Eur. Hmmm, maybe not... By this time I'm getting a bit concerned that I'm on a wild goose chase. To make matters worse, I tortured myself with the Conran website where everyone lives in a mansion with rooms at least 100m². They are perfect for the 4m long sofas with graceful curves...

Back in the real world, I need a compact angle sofa measuring around 2.4m in length, not leather since I have a cat and not looking like it is held together with hope and two bits of string. My youngest and I went on a reconnaissance trip to the sofa shop strip of But, Roche Bobois, Meuble de France etc. this afternoon. Hopeless it was. But looked like a bazaar as they are having a refit sale, and the others had prices upwards of 4000Eur.

Came home disheartened and made lasagna from scratch. Looking for solace in food...