Why Flow?

Today I was looking into flowcharts. They are singularly tedious things designed, I think, to appeal to the more autistic of human characteristics. I can just imagine earnest assistant managers poring over their newly downloaded flowchart software gazing lovingly at the boxes, diamonds and oval shapes, and trying to fix a round word into a square hole in the pursuit of Order.

It's not that I've got anything against Order (or method or discipline), but flowcharts have an unfortunate tendency to conjure up images of managerial mumbo jumbo, smartarses like David Miliband (bet he loves them) and an ambient temperature of irritation.

Luckily there are quite a few people out there with a sense of humour, and if you Google 'flowcharts' you come up with some examples created by those who have obviously sat through more than their fair share of flowchart presentations. Probably on Powerpoint with over 50 tightly-packed slides giving TMI (too much information) through 101 'fun' multi-coloured visual effects. My favourite, however, was the musical angle. You have to be pretty nerdy to create a flowchart of a song, but the world is full of strange and wonderful people and the internet enables us to connect with them...

You have to admit, that's pretty cool. Nice one, Love all this.

Why was I looking at flowcharts when I obviously have an irrational objection to them? Well, it was all in a good cause, in the pursuit of writing an educational resource. I believe that when I'm writing extra material for something it should be mind-broadening, preferably elitist and definitely with a total disregard for pc fads, drawing on culture and general knowledge.

I know that general knowledge is only considered admissable in the context of a television competition, and culture is a dirty word, but I'm unapologetic cos... I drink Carling Black Label...

(Actually I don't, you can't get it in France so maybe I should have written 'cos Heineken refreshes the parts other beers cannot reach' but it's not quite so snappy, is it?)

Have you ever thought what a flowchart depicting 'love' might give? I have a feeling that even the most hardened flowcharter would be ultimately stumped. Still, if you're tempted by medecine instead, give this a go:

Maybe I'm coming round to flowcharts afterall...