Authenticrap

You'll never believe me, but... my table arrived today... AND... was set up. WITH the chairs! I know, I was shocked too after all this time.

Don't worry though, there was cock-up n°3. The tele table was not in the van for some unknown reason. I was supposed to give the delivery guys a cheque for the final amount, but there was no way I was going to do that.

I called Authentica - the local branch where I bought the items. No answer. I tried again. No answer. Shut on a Monday? Could be, but they could have a message saying so. How tricky is that? It might prevent prospective customers from giving up and going to Bois et Chiffon instead...

So I tried to call Authentica HQ in Paris. A recorded voice told me that maybe I should call an 0800 number for customer services. I hung on to the direct number hoping to catch an actual person, but there was, wait for it... no answer. One of the delivery guys suggested they might all be on a coffee break. So I tried the 0800 number instead. I then pressed '2' as instructed, about an order in progress. Guess wot. Yep, no answer. I tried several times and each time got no answer.

A frustrating company to deal with as you can see!

The delivery guys suggested I write two cheques for half the amount each, but that they would check that this was okay with their supervisor. We hung about outside waiting for the call back and they regaled me with horror stories of delivering furniture. Authentica has problems with one customer out of two according to their experience. No hearsay, not rumour, just good old-fashioned 'been there, done it, got the tee-shirt' experience. My advice? Don't shop at Authentica.

Eventually, having not been called back, the delivery guy tries again. It transpires that the person who makes cheque-like decisions is... wait for it... not there. The guys are getting a little frustrated by now because it seems like there are an awful lot of people not working who should be who we need to contact. I asked him who he had spoken to, and he told me the guy I had 'incendié' during the first aborted attempt to deliver my stuff. I thought this was quite funny and was maybe why I was treated with a considerable degree of respect by the guys since.

Just goes to show that you try to be nice and accommodating and you get treated like shit. Be a bugger and the world trembles and behaves properly. Trouble is, I have to get really riled to be a bugger which is why, I suppose I've been treated a lot like shit.

Finally, the guys decided to take the executive decision of accepting two cheques one of which they would hold until Authentica got off its backside and delivered the tele table. Off they trotted with promises of coming back some time.

This evening I get a phone call from their office saying that Authentica had been in contact with them (not me) and said my tele table would be delivered at the end of May. They were having problems themselves with deliveries...

My advice? Shop anywhere you like, but if it's peace of mind and a smooth transaction you're worried about, avoid Authentica. They are totally crappy once the selling bit is finished. And don't expect an apology either.

The table does look lovely, you'll be relieved to hear!

Stand and Deliver

I seem to be in a delivery black hole. Something in the universe has decided to thwart deliveries concerning me. First it was the table and chairs - twice - now it's Kiabi.

What intrigues me in this planetary provocation is that not all deliveries encounter problems. My sofa arrived on time and was installed with an ease that was akin to caressing recently waxed and moisturised legs. I had two orders with Kiabi. The first arrived, I was informed about this by email and it was waiting for me in the Coin Presse that serves as a depot.

I had made two orders on the same day though - delivery being free, because my son, upon being told of the first order, announced that he was in fact desperate for tee-shirts both long- and short-sleeved, plus the inevitable jeans. The first order had consisted of socks and sports trousers. So I placed the second order.

I received the email announcing its availability in the Coin Presse and, so as not to waste precious resources such as diesel, I waited until I was sure both would be there before I drove over to the next village. I was told, rather brusquely, that there was only one package. Despite getting an email of confirmation? I asked. The rough 'n' ready shopkeeper told me that he only had one package, couldn't conjure up the second one out of thin air and I should take it up with Kiabi.

So I sent them an email. No response.

I haven't had a response from Authentica either about my table and chairs. I'm in limbo delivery land.

You can see what I mean, can't you?!

Take Two

Last Friday I took two hours off work to await the arrival of my new table and chairs. They arrived, eventually, and then got taken away again because of an installation cock-up.

Take Two was today. The van arrives and out pop two jolly guys. They start unloading the chairs while I hurriedly scoff the last of my lunch outside, in the sun. Spring has arrived here and it's quite warm and lovely. I was even inspired to sweep the patio...

Not long after the chairs were unloaded and the bubble wrap removed, I noticed a huddle of urgently whispering men and deduced that there was (another) problem. How right I was. Guy One comes over to me and asks me not to hit him (!) but that some of the furniture is damaged. I'm not sure whether my reaction on Friday (testy) provoked those delivery guys to warn these delivery guys about the 'violent' foreign chick, but I was somewhat surprised at the nature of his request.

It transpired that the table had been encased, damaged, in its bubble wrap. This was not the fault of these guys as I clearly saw, and was not then overcome with any violent urges at all. One of the chair legs had been snapped in two too. Obviously I was not going to accept the delivery, so I signed the 'refusal' and off they went, mighty apologetically too. "Third time lucky" I called to them as they left.

Good thing I hadn't organised a dinner party for tonight...

Could Do Better...

Here's a good one : the delivery guys assigned the delivery and installing over your beautiful new table etc. arrive at 11.50am, you having been waiting for them since 10am as instructed. They walk in and announce that they cannot install anything as it wasn't on their order form and they don't have time, but they could leave the boxes of stuff...

Frankly I had to pick my jaw up from the floor gaping as it was with disbelief at the sheer incompetence, inefficiency and blatant disregard for the customer (me). When I asked the simplest question, why hadn't they called to let me know, their answer was that all the stuff was anyway in the van and it was too late. I didn't see the relevance to calling me to let me know that I didn't need to take two hours of annual leave off from work, but then there maybe logic in there somewhere - Up Yours logic, that is...

I got a little testy with them, they rang their boss, I spoke to the boss, told him I would have appreciated a phone call so I wasn't wasting my time and of course I just got a 'I don't give a shit' apology. In fact, they had to come and go because they needed a signature from me showing that I had refused the delivery because of installation issues...

I then rang the shop 'Authentica' and told them that they hadn't specified installation on the order form, so the delivery guys had come and gone, and that I was furious. She said installation had been specified because it always is, and she would get onto the delivery company.

I'm going to write to complain. I HATE taking time off for nothing, getting effed about by incompetent workmen and disregarded although I am a PAYING CUSTOMER.

I stormed back to work, went to lunch with my pals - WITH wine - and then this afternoon, the sofa delivery guy called 5 mins before he was due to arrive enabling me to dash back home to take delivery, with no problems, of my lovely new sofa. Such a contrast with this morning's clowns.

I may get the table next week, if they can dredge up enough brain cells to organise installation time as well as 'throw it at the client and bugger off' time. All the old stuff is being removed on Sunday of course. The best laid plans...