To Live, or Not

According to a group of eminent British thinkers, pioneers of a new movement Action for Happiness (which has 4500 members in 68 countries), these are the 10 secrets of happiness as published in the Telegraph today:

1. GIVING

Do things for others - volunteer to work for a charity in your spare time

2. RELATING

Connect with people - get in touch with friends with whom you have lost contact

3. EXERCISING

Take care of your body - go for a run.
4. APPRECIATING
Notice the world around - take time to appreciate wildlife in your area.
5. TRYING OUT
Keep learning new things - learn a new language.
6. DIRECTION
Have goals to look forward to - make resolutions and stick to them.
7. RESILIENCE
Find ways to bounce back - learn from defeats to do things better in the future.
8. EMOTION
Take a positive approach - focus on the happy moments of your life rather than the sad.
9. ACCEPTANCE
Be comfortable with who you are - do not dwell on your flaws.
10. MEANING
Be part of something bigger - join a society or club.

The group Action for Happiness is led by Lord Layard, Professor of Economics at the LSE, and focusses on the importance of connecting with those around us, and feeling part of a community. It's backed by the Dalai Lama, Alain de Botton and numerous mental health charities. They are obviously taking this very seriously, as well they might given the disintegrating nature of society and feeling of 'last days of the Roman Empire' decadence.

According to Claude de Milleville, these are the 10 Commandements pour être heureux as shown on Doctissimo:

1. Make peace with yourself
2. Spread a little joy around you
3. Accept your moods
4. Count your blessings
5. Avoid obsessing about all the gloom and doom in the world
6. Listen to others
7. Cultivate your friends
8. Accept your past
9. Find meaning in your life
10. Preserve your liberty 

It was hard work finding a list of happiness in French. They seem to prefer moralising stories and long articles in the press. Ms de Milleville is not an eminent thinker as far as I can make out, but gives seminars on the secrets of numbers, dream interpretation and tarot. Still, her list, while predominantly navel-gazing, is not dissimilar to the other one although it misses out on the concept of giving which is a major source of happiness according to the eminent thinkers.

My own experience of charitable work here has been that you organise an event to raise money for a worthy cause like the Ligue Contre le Cancer, and lay on a buffet and drinks. You invite professional types and those with money to spare. They arrive, fall on the buffet like they haven't eaten for a week, drink the stocks dry, ignore the charitable aspect of the evening and go home relieved and proud they haven't had to get their chequebook out. This happened on every occasion whatever the setting. I'm told it's typical of southern France (by the French).

So, yes, I can understand why there is no 'giving' on the French list even though any money they donate can be used to lower their taxes. The other problem is that many associations indulge in 'charity business' where they are a charity in name only, which does tend to sour people to the idea of giving money. Obviously if you know that your hard-earned donation is going to 'Administrative Costs' this is hardly likely to increase your levels of happiness, likewise if you are trying to help but get told your help is taking paid jobs away from others you won't ask twice (which is what happened to a friend of mine). 

On the other hand, I read that there is a link between the level of social charges and the amount of money donated. The higher the level of social charges taken by the government, the lower the amount of money given to charity.  The article also says that people are much keener to engage in voluntary work as proved by the levels of participation in the annual Telethon which raises money for neuromuscular conditions and other rare illnesses. It takes place in December when we're all supposed to be in a giving frame of mind although I'm usually struggling to pay transport costs to the UK, presents, and dealing with catch-up taxes.

If you live in France, are you part of an association that raises money for a good cause? Are you aware of much activity outside the Telethon? I ask because I see very little advertising for charitable events and unless you are personally affected by something and are thus involved, it's easy to remain unaware of the level of voluntary work going on.

Best stick to having fun, counting your blessings and spreading a little joy over a cool refreshing rosé while in France I reckon... As for being part of something bigger, the less I see of the inside of organisations and their committees the better. Cheers!

Freedom

I haven't made any New Year resolutions for years now. Deciding to better oneself at the beginning of the year and then finding that, by February you're still nowhere any nearer to betterhood is so depressing that I gave them up as a bad job.

Wanting improvements is really a constant struggle and is more of a mindset or an attitude. My current basic aim in life is to have a more interesting job, but I'm not doing anything in particular to find one. I'm rather hoping that one will fall from the sky. If I made a resolution to do something about it, I'd end up depressed and unhappy because I know that, at my age, I cannot just go into a standard interesting job. I've been at my present undemanding post for too long to be attractive to your average employer.

In the meantime, I coast along pleasantly, contented with my lot especially because it seems that the boys are happy. Mummy is around quite sufficiently to be of use but not so much as to be a doormat.

One of these days I'd also like to finish my book. The more I work at it though, the more work I realise it needs, mostly of a technical nature. That's the boring bit though and it takes loads of self-control to get on with it. Since meeting my TWDB I've had less head space to think about it, and even less time to get writing. It may have to wait until I retire! Or at least until the boys leave home.

Those are the only two resolutions I might make, but I don't need it to be Jan 1 to make them, as they are at the back of my mind all the time. Voicing them at the beginning of the year would make no difference to their being achieved either. I cannot add hours to the day for writing, or magic up a super job.

I suppose it's motivating to ring in the New Year with good intentions, but they have got to be doable. I do some exercise - probably not enough, but I don't care - and enjoy food and drink although I do keep my diet pretty healthy and don't go out binge drinking. Nothing to be resolute there without impinging on my enjoyment of life. And therein lies the key, I think. Life should be enjoyable, not a prison of futile impossible aspirations. Live the life you want to live with what you've got not the life you think you should live with what you haven't got.

That's freedom.

Le repas de l'impasse

It's weird, sometimes, how days turn out. There I was, expecting just a lunch de l'impasse where I live, and then we would all go about our business as of teatime. The kids would play, we would eat, drink, chat and then go home. I would work on my book, do some ironing and we would go for supper chez NG.

I live in a cul de sac of, I think, 18 houses. Today, one of the residents had organised a street party. We would bring our garden tables, chairs, something to eat and drink, and get to know each other if we didn't already.

I made 3 pizzas and some coleslaw, and took a 3-litre box of chilled rosé. The children stuffed themselves while us adults took an aperitif, then they all buggered off while the barbeque was going and we contined to eat and drink. The tables had been set up at the bottom of the hill, with parasols, as the sun was pretty ferocious today - one of those balmy indian summer September days. We stood around until we'd drunk so much we had to sit and start eating.

The impasse was designed for young families, but since the rise in house prices, it's mostly Parisian retirees that can afford the little houses although there are enough to rent (like mine) which are still within the reach of those families for whom they were originally intended (to keep the schools open!).

We chatted, drank, ate, and then one of the guys fetched his electric guitar and started on his repertoire of songs, inviting us all to join in if we liked. I love singing, and used to belong to choirs right up until I went to do my Masters in the UK (when I retook up my viola) so was delighted to be able to sing casually with my neighbours. Of course, most of the songs were French, but even if I didn't know them, by the second refrain I could usually hum along.

When I wasn't singing, I was listening to the others and it was all so pleasant and convivial - one of those little gems of a day where you're at peace with the world just hanging out, not worrying about drinking too much because the car is in the drive, and everyone is getting merry with you.

Eventually, I had to put the boys to bed (9pm) but the hard core guys might still be down there drinking out the evening.

When one thinks of counting one's blessings as opposed to moaning about what one doesn't have, I reckon I have things pretty well taped here. I'm surrounded by friendly neighbours who enjoy a good laugh, a drink or two and a convivial evening. I work in a pleasant lab with pals I adore even though the work itself is crappy. I live in a lovely village which is peaceful, secure and perfect for bringing up the boys, where I also have NG. Quand j'y pense, je me dis que, quand même, ça roule. Je suis où je veux être. C'est ça, être heureux (en partie).