Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Cellu-lie Creams

The ResidentAdo is 16, tall, slim and pretty, and yesterday tried to buy some cellulite cream. After we had picked ourselves up off the rather grubby Carrefour floor, we told her that they don't work.
"They don't work" we said.
"This one does" said she.
"No, none do" we said.
"Yes, this one does" said she.
"It's a con, they don't work, it's the rubbing that helps" said I.
"Get your mother to buy it" said her father.
And that was that, she put it back and I suppose we'll see what she can get out of her mother.

I wondered why a young girl might think she needs to rub a bunch of dubious chemicals on her legs to get rid of imaginary cellulite. Well, we are in France, home of the gullible magic-potion/pill-for-all ills-believing woman, but really, SIXTEEN!

French women spend a fortune on these cellulite creams when a healthy diet, exercise and drinking lots of water is all you need. I remember my mother saying that when she was enduring radiotherapy, she had to drink two litres of water per day. This was a bind and the treatment was wearing, but on the bright side, she lost the cellulite on her legs.

Studies continue to show that cellulite creams don't work, but apparently women who use them are like Creationists: they don't accept the science, they want to believe the fantasy. Who wouldn't? It's boring drinking lots of water, it's tedious having to get out there and exercise, and it's often dull eating a healthy diet. They involve a potential lifestyle change from hedonistic self-indulgence to more healthily rigorous self-control. It's so much easier just to fork out 20Euros plus and enjoy the sensation of applying specialist silky creams on one's legs.

The thing is, you don't need to spend wads of cash on cellulite cream as they do no more than moisturize legs. You can get the same effect by keeping the skin exfoliated with some sort of mitt and massaging in normal moisturizer regularly. French women spend a lot of time looking after their bodies and it's probably this regular application of creams which help them keep cellulite at bay. As they get bigger, however, I think we'll be seeing more dimpled behinds on the beaches in the summer.


  1. Oh dear - I'm afraid I'm a sucker for creams and potions and all that gunk. When I could afford it back in the days of yore, I used to buy it myself. Don't get me wrong - I didn't really believe it worked but the idea that it might was tantalising.

    Anyway, since I've stopped using it, I've put on 35 kilos...so how do you explain that, eh? Ah ha!!

    Oh and - I do actually believe God created the earth but I'm not about to enter into a debate about that as I am not a scientist and the Bible is not a science manual :-)

  2. I've invented a new cure for cellulite. It's to be called Sell-U-Lize. Warning: it may not take effect immediately. In fact, you need to use it religiously every day for a year. A month's treatment costs just €200, but if you're prepared to pay up front, you can have the full year's course for just €500. Money back(after 12 months) if you're not delighted. Just phone the following premium rate number for a refund ......

  3. Sarah
    My day would be spoilt. No more of those lovely photos of beautiful women dévêtue in the pharmacie window?

  4. Now this is a very top issue for every french female - whatever her age!!! I'm lucky - becoz my dermatolagiste gives me super creme to hydrate - and I have to do two hours "gym" every day for my genetical maladie which shoots your articulations - there fore have to replace faulty articulations by high powered muscles.

    After a certain age, no way does it take the cellulite away, which your charming specialist will tell you is "millinaire et un don contre la disette chez la femme"....just shows he's a not a woman in a latin country!

    Nothing more than perfet will do...nothing more than slim and smart and groomed. It's a hard every day battle as years go by. But it's also very good for your spirits to go on battling to keep reasonably slim and groomed whatever your age, and a french form of respect towards your near and dear. No way will your turn into a fat-blimp.....but oooooh...it's a hard game to play the older you get. And if as well you can no longer ride, or run, or bash you opponent to death on the tennis court for reasons "independant of your volonté" even harder.

    So we get back to the food run ....good quality, everything, in reasonable portions - I have to drink 2 liters a day too - I'd rather have bordeaux or chardonnay but, tough. I still have them, but not 2 liters!

    But od course my backside will end up looking like a sponge sooner or later, and my tummy like the Star Wars Jaba...it's just a question of time. And, in France, this is not allowed!!! Luckily for me, no one except my specialist and the beach boy will see it........



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